i begin each day of my life with a ritual.  - twyla tharp [read more]

confidence is a trait that has to be earned honestly and refreshed constantly; you have to work as hard to protect your skills as you did to develop them. - twyla tharp

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the goal wasn’t to exercise more, i was practicing yoga daily and walking up to 50 miles a week. the goal was layered: be curious, find love, believe. i was curious about what happened after he left the house. he’d return exhausted, flop down on a patch of grass or the front stairs - satisfied. i was only 4 when my father decided to train for the new york marathon but i was aware that he was working hard and having fun. i tried to find a similar hard earned satisfaction several times but the noise was always too loud: how many more minutes, am i almost there, i’m in better shape but he just passed me damn it, fuck this sucks, it’s not that bad, it’s awful. eventually i would stop and walk home relieved yet defeated. running limbo. 

this morning marked a year of mornings. one year of running [blizzards included]! the simple yet profound act believing in myself revealed one of the greatest lessons: to love fully, is to be vulnerable. today, i am more confident than i was a year ago.